August, 2005

With tears in my eyes and love in my heart, I am having bittersweet days.  This is the week of the 8^th anniversary of my beloved husband, Sam’s, passing.  I feel Sam’s presence in all that I do and I know that he is guiding me toward healthier and happier days.  I still miss him with all that I am.

With Sam’s help, God’s mercy and the invaluable prayers and wishes of good family and friends, I have overcome substantial difficulties.  A process of “deliberate creation” has opened my heart and my mind and my being to allow abundance.

I will close on a new “home” September 16^th.  It is all that I need and a safe place for me and my puppies to continue on our journey through life.  It is big enough to be comfy and small enough to maintain. 

Also, I have no more debt.  My expenses will be only for necessities.  My abundances will be enough cash to maintain my vehicle so that I will be able to drive to see friends and loved ones.

I have overwhelming gratitude for my family, especially April and even more, her wonderful husband, David.  They took me in, paid for everything and asked little in return.  I don’t know what I would have done without them.

I also am overwhelmed with my friend, Ruth, who shared with me her spirit, love and grace.  Ruth is the one who introduced me to the philosophy of “deliberate creation” and I will be eternally grateful to her.  Thanks, too, to my friend, Barb who listens and shares and applauds me regularly.

My dear friend, Stephanie, who took me under her wing and would not allow me to give up, who gave me her strength and courage when I couldn’t find mine.

My dear friend, Terrie, wife of Fabian, Fabian who is the subject of many of Sam’s fishing stories and one true friend, has reconnected with me and is able to channel Sam’s love and guidance to me.  This has been such an experience of love and friendship that I have no words to express my gratitude.

Of course, everyone knows that I think the world of my supervisor, Alan.  He has been so genuinely kind and caring.  He has saved me millions in therapy.  I don’t believe I would feel such healing without having had him in my world.  He has seen me at my best and at my worst and has helped me over and through many obstacles that I would have just crushed under without him.  I will always be grateful to Alan.

So, these are my thoughts and my prayer is to make a life that will make Sam proud, using all the wonderful lessons he taught me.  I know that he is not angry with me and he is still my biggest fan, encouraging me to move forward and grateful for all of you that helped me along the way.

In love and in Memory of Samuel A. Agner, Sr., March 9, 1935-August 27, 1997

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