Blog For Free!

Archives
Home
2008 August
2008 July
2008 June
2008 May
2008 April
2008 March
2008 February
2008 January
2007 December
2007 November
2007 October
2007 September
2007 August
2007 July
2007 June
2007 May
2007 April
2007 March
2007 February
2007 January
2006 December
2006 November
2006 October
2006 September
2006 August
2006 June
2006 March
2006 February
2006 January
2005 September
2005 August
2005 July
2005 June
2005 May
2005 April
2005 March
2005 February
2005 January
2004 December
2004 November
2004 October
2004 August
2004 June

tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images


Sponsored
Blog
April update, 2/27
02.27.06 (11:31 am)   [edit]
Not too much to update. April is still working hard on her speech and her other therapies and progress is slower, to me, than last week. By week’s end, she is very exhausted. I spent most of yesterday at her home with her and Dave and a bunch of us. Sissy had prepared a wonderful meal that she and her hubby brought over for us all. Dave’s sissy and cousin were in from up north…when I arrived, they were outside enjoying our Florida winter weather by pulling weeds and mulching April’s flower beds. I wish I had that much energy! When BIL arrived, April grabbed him up to show him her new “laptops” that she has to work with…a type of “hooked on phonics” children’s game to help her practice her speech. I believe that is the most frustrating aspect to her recovery for her. The rest of us do what we can. SIL has one-handedly gone in to figure out the way April handled the business office and keeping that going. She is amazing. I just seem to hang on the side lines waiting for a hug and a kiss. I feel completely useless and unnecessary. April is famous for giving me the “hairy eye-ball” and now is not much different. My heart hurts so much for her that even though I know I should not take anything to heart, my nature is too sensitive, and I end up feeling lost and alone. Oh, poor me…shut up mimi! I just don’t feel that I belong anywhere… but I can only voice this to you guys…so I will stop now. Thanks for your continued support and for caring. xoxoxox
 
on the phone
02.22.06 (9:16 pm)   [edit]
tonite, i decided that i would call and ask april if she was up for company. dave answered, of course, but when he asked her, she actually got on the phone and "talked" to me...it went something like...oh, mother, of course I want to see you. i'm tired and i know you won't stay too long...but i would love to see you and you can hug me and kiss me a little". at least that is what my heart heard! when i got there, dave's sister and her friend were there, too, and april did not like the dinner she had been served, so we all packed up and took it to Denny's! made for a nice visit. : ) xoxoxox love to all
 
Really upset, yet it's all good
02.22.06 (10:28 am)   [edit]
Emotionally, I am exhausted. My darling daughter is struggling so hard and the frustration levels are high and the hospital and doctor bills are beginning to come in and scaring the hell out of everyone in the family, especially our dear David! Why, oh why, does everything have to come down to money….something like this should not cost anyone one single dime… April’s vocabulary is improving. For the most part, her sense of humor is intact…but she tends to be on the “obsessive-compulsive side…very fussy about how things should be…and when you cannot say what you want or how you want it and you can’t really do it yourself, it takes it’s toll on everyone. My biggest fear is that all of this struggle will leave April bitter and angry….angry that she didn’t just die and have it over with…angry that David cannot really read her mind…angry at the world..and most of all, angry with me…. The idea of her being angry with me makes me want to cry. And seeing her in pain, as I witnessed the other evening, is just killing me. Somehow, during therapy, her foot on her bad leg rolled under (lack of strength). It had a huge purple bruise…they x-ray’d it and supposedly it was not broken, but it still was hurting her so much. She got upset and angry and threw us all out and left the room in tears….needless to say, I burst into tears, too. This cannot be all about me … it won’t ever be about me again…but it hurt so bad to see her so angry that she actually hit David on the arm and “stormed” out of the room….another family member who is in the medical field and has experience with “stroke victims” just blew me off saying “get used to this, it will be like this for at least two years!” as she trotted out the door after her sister! I just wanted to say, “you may know the facts, but I sure don’t, so f--- you!” but of course, I couldn’t…I know she is scared and upset too…. so, thank you dear blog friends, for listening and letting me get this anger out. I struggle with depression since my husband got sick and died, and this situation is trying it’s best to knock me down again…but I am fighting back with all that I am so that I can be there to help my beautiful daughter!
 
My Thoughts on Love
02.19.06 (7:14 am)   [edit]
What is Love? Love is being one-half of the whole Knowing someone so completely that you can finsih their sentence and know their mood. Love is the strongest connection, allowing thoughts and feelings to be shared without a word spoken. Love is having your breath taken so hard Even when you know he will return from a weekend meeting. Love is the foundation of life and without love, without a foundation, your soul collapses into futile efforts of breathing and searching for your purpose. Love is warmth and cozy nights and long rides and silly jokes and serious chats. Love is a hand bigger than mine to hold in happy times, sad times and all the time. Love is having someone you trust completely to turn to in happy times, fearful times, sad times, all the time. Love is a 60-40 proposition. Give more and get more! Love is living life to the fullest, walking hand in hand toward a mutual goal of happiness and peace of mind. Love is a relationship that once past the first 20 years the next 20 years are easy! : )
 
can't see her : (((
02.10.06 (3:46 pm)   [edit]
I went and caught a miserable cold...therefore, I cannot see my girl...I want to talk with her on the phone, but she won't get on cuz she knows she can't talk...but does that mean she can't listen! women...sure are difficult to figure out sometimes LOL! Please raise some positive energies for my dear, dear, dearest "Rand"..his daughter and unborn grandchild are at risk...we all know that the power of prayer works miracles and lifts us all up...thank you, my wonderful tblog friends...for loving us and showering us with your powerful postitive energies. xoxoxo
 
april update 2/8/06
02.08.06 (1:26 pm)   [edit]
april is making tremendous strides...what damage is permanent is yet to be seen...she still has a long way to go, but just three weeks ago, we thought she would die, so every day is a blessing. she still has a tumor in her brain that will have to be contended with down the road, as well...this will be a long and difficult journey...but april is a miracle in the works...sorta like being reborn...this time i get to hear her first words and her first steps, and should it be necessary, i will change her diaper! she is having to re-learn everything...now, at least she can swallow so she eats and she talks but the words come out every way but right...but she is working hard and David had someone come in to do her nails, so they look pretty!!! LOL! That' my girl!
 
3 weeks tonite!
02.03.06 (9:44 pm)   [edit]
I am in complete and utter AWE...exactly three weeks ago tonite, I got a dreadful phone call that something horrible had happened to my baby girl. I immediately turned my vehicle around and spent the next two weeks, more or less, at her bedside. There was always two or more of us at all times. The picture that the doctor's painted was in their words, bleak. the doctor's didn't know what to do because this type of problem is rare, at best. surgery? wait? can't wait...can't do surgery...everything and every moment a life or death decision...now, fast forward to my miracle girl...she has been in rehab only one week...she is working her buns off to learn to walk and talk and do ordinary life tyep things. she is actually going to get to come home for a few hours tomorrow to reconnect with her home, her life, her dog and her goats and the kitty! she is absolutely amazing and the power of prayer is astounding. thank you all for your continued prayers and good wishes. much love from me and my darling girl, april...with hugs, too.
 
a miracle in progress!
02.01.06 (9:47 pm)   [edit]
every day april is a working miracle. she is working with the therapists and working very hard. tonite, she was sad. i whispered in her ear that it is ok to be sad and ok to be afraid, but, that she is broken now but will not always be broken and that i will walk with her through this ever moment of every day. also, they did start her on an antidepressant because this is the most difficult trial of our lives. it will take a while for that to kick in...yesterday was the first time i saw her not in her bed! she actually helped the nurse get her into her chair...she is using the facilities and there are no more tubes...she is eating and drinking on her own, although she still wants her food ground up...her jaw is wanting to go off kilter... i have been to see my doctor to let him know of this trial and to help me manage my anxieties...my poor baby girl is a wonder but it breaks my heart to see her have to struggle like this...but like i told her, she was on the verge of death and she has come amazingly far in a relatively short time...i think her not being able to speak the words that she wants to speak is her most frustrating challenge. she keeps saying "i can sing songs" when in fact, that is not what she "means" to say... but all in all, i am in awe of her and as long as she is making progress, i am going to be ok...