I'm not sure, but I think I try to live in the moment, yet, last evening I was having a phone conversation with my oldest son...I was relating to him an "adventure" I had with April.  It's a cute little tale...but to sumise it, she, in her way, asked me to help her do something(blankets/covers )...I went over the next night after work to see what it was she wanted me to do.  As you may know, April is quite active and she had dinner going in the kitchen and laundry in the machines...she pulled a load of sheets out of the dryer.  Well, to make a long story short, what she wanted was help folding the fitted sheets...she likes the way I do it.  But, she didn't want "help", she wanted me to teach her how I did it.  How would one do it with only one hand?  HMMMM!  So, I tucked my right hand into the back of my jeans and started trying to figure out what to do with only my left hand.  Finally, I took a kitchen chair, put the corners, one by one, on the back of the chair, took the corners in my hand and placed the sheet on a flat surface, patted it down to make it all neat, and folded it up the rest of the way....she was inspired, she gave it a try and VIOLA!  she was happy....

back to my conversation...

I made a statement to my son that "I think God is giving me a chance to learn to forgive myself by being able to be loving and patient and kind to April now" (because when she was little, she was angry and defiant (especially with me) and if my feelings get hurt, I react in anger, so it wasn't always "perfect" between us.   I know that most mother's don't believe they were perfect parents, but I know that the tension between me and April was difficult, at best, a lot of the time. )  He told me that I need to "quit living in the past".  I suppose that he means well, but I guess my question is "isn't my past what made me who I am today" and that ALL my memories equals ME right now.  I am elated to see how good I am with April and not just try to do it because it is easier for me (or whoever)  I am filled with love watching her do so much with so many difficulties....I am proud of the woman she had been and the one she is today!  I know that I played an integral part in that as did she in who I have become!  I also know that the many good years we've had negate the realtively few "tougher" years...so saying out loud that I hate the part of me that was too immature at the time to be so understanding isn't living in the past, is it?